When you took your marriage vows, you probably never imagined you’d ever go through divorce. The word divorce probably never even entered your mind. Yet here you are. Not only are you divorced now, but you are forced to deal with the fact that your ex now has a new wife.

Dealing with new spouses is not an easy thing to do. There is a lot involved in these complicated relationships, but you can handle it with grace. Try these tips from others who have been in the same position as yourself.

1) Don’t overstep boundaries. Even though you were once married, you should respect your ex husband’s new wife and family. This is his new life, of which you have no say or part of. Do your best to respect this new relationship and avoid putting your nose where it doesn’t belong.

2) Don’t get in the middle. If your divorce was an amicable one, you may still keep in constant contact with your ex-husband. Be cautious not to get in the middle of squabbles between him and his new wife. This could produce major repercussions later on.

3) Don’t argue over your children. If you have children and share custody, don’t make them the starting point of all debate and arguments. Find a way to come to friendly terms with the fact that your ex will be in your life forever. Take special care in being considerate to each other for your children’s sake.

Dealing with a new spouse is never easy. But by following simple rules of consideration and respect for each other, you can get through it much easier.

Here are some ways you can show your teen that you care…

1) Give him choices. It is natural for parents to try to hold the reins tighter as your teen gets older. The only thing this will lead to though, is making him want to pull away from you even more. Instead, give him choices. Letting him make certain decisions will do several things for him: learn how to make good choices, learn from his mistakes, and take pride in himself.

2) Ask about her day. I know your life is busy. You have a career; you’re worried about making ends meet; you’re thinking about how you can better your family. Don’t forget to take the time to stop and ask your teen how her day was. She may not be willing to give you a run-down on all the details, but show your care.

3) Pay her a compliment. Every child, no matter how young or old, needs to hear nice things about themselves. If they don’t get it from home, I can assure you they will search for it somewhere else. Let her know when she’s done a good job. Tell him that you’re proud when he brings home a 4.0 report card. Pay them the compliments they deserve.

These statistics only further prove that domestic violence is not only a frequently occurring incident, but it contributes to negative patterns for children. It is easy to see then, how domestic violence can have a huge negative impact on self-esteem, of both the abused victim as well as children who are a part of the setting.

There are countless negative side effects on an abused victim’s self-esteem. Such negative effects include:

• Aggressive behavior
• Conduct problems at home and school
• Poor school performance and learning disabilities
• Inability to concentrate
• Depression
• Anxiety
• Inability to sleep
• Changes in appetite
• Social incompetence
• Emotional numbing
• Continual focus on the violent events

As you can see from this limited list of negative side effects, the psychological impact surrounding domestic violence is immense. Every one of these things leads to a greater decrease in self-esteem.

The destructive impact that domestic violence has on a person’s self-esteem is enormous. If you know someone who is suffering under domestic violence, offer to help them get protection and help they need. You can never force someone to get out of a violent situation, but you can offer assistance to them and provide the help they need when they’re ready for it.

According to the experts at the Centers for Disease Control and the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health, stress is linked to both physical and mental health, as well as decreased willingness to take on new and creative endeavors. With this kind of findings, it is no wonder that so many people feel burned out every single day.

In addition, researchers found that up to 40% of job burnout in the United States is due to stress. Stress affects millions of people every single day. Much of marital and family problems occur because of stress being brought home from the work place. Take this quick quiz to see if you are bringing stress home with you.

Directions: Answer YES or NO to the following questions.

1) Do you feel as stressed out when you walk in the door of your home as you did when you left work?

2) Do you have a daily after-work routine that allows you to unwind and de-stress?

3) Do your work problems weigh heavily on your mind, even when you are trying to have a nice relaxing evening at home?

4) Do you find it difficult to carry on a conversation with your spouse that doesn’t have something to do with work-related issues?

5) Are you able to deal with problems at work in a calm manner?

If you answered YES to three or more of these questions, chances are you are bringing stress home with you. Here are some possible solutions you should try:

· Sign up for a gym pass. Go at least 3 days per week after work to work out your frustrations.

· See a therapist. Sometimes all you need is a good therapist to listen to you and help you figure out how to better deal with work stress.

· Go for massage therapy. A professional masseuse can do wonders for tired, sore muscles that are due to stress.

Children can be wild and rambunctious at times, but they still need to know that Mom and Dad love them all the same. How often do you tell your children you love them? How often do you do little things to show them they are loved? Here are some simple tips you can use:

1. Write a love note. Kids love mail. A simple, quick and easy way to show your child you love her is to write her a love note. A message as simple as “I love you!” or “Hope you have a wonderful day at school today!” is enough to make your child feel loved by you.

2. Play a fun board game together. Most children also enjoy playing board games. This is a really terrific way to bond and connect with your child. Making it a family affair can truly bring the entire family unit together as a team and create a deeper connection and sense of love in your children.

3. Ask about their day. Kids love to talk to their parents about their day. When school is in session, they love sharing what they learned. As your children grow older into pre-teens and teens, encourage them to share without being overly adamant about it. Just knowing that you are there to listen often means more than them saying anything to you.

4. Say THANK YOU. Kids are often taken by surprise when a parent says, “Thank you” for a job well-done. Surprise your child by doing so when he/she does something great. You’ll be surprised at how far a simple word of thanks will go.

The law of attraction is simple. It states that whatever you focus your thoughts and attention on is what you will attract into your life. But can the law of attraction be used to find your perfect mate? Yes, I believe it can, and I have a story to share with you about how this happened for a friend of mine. I’ll call her Janie…

Janie was involved in an unhealthy relationship. It was an on again, off again kind of relationship. And it seemed to everyone (except Janie) that this relationship was not healthy for her.

Janie claimed that she loved this guy. She enjoyed spending time with his family and she truly thought that he was “the one” for her. However, as time passed by, it became clearly evident that this guy was not committed to this relationship as Janie was.

Arguments would ensue and upon the final break-up, Janie became emotionally distraught. She couldn’t eat. She couldn’t sleep. She clearly missed having this person in her life, even though he was not devoted to her.

I gave Janie a journal and told her that this was not just an ordinary journal. This was a special journal, in which she’d write about all the things she wanted in a man and in a relationship. I encouraged her to put all her feelings on paper and really get it out there—what she wanted.

Janie contacted me later to tell me about some of the things she’d written in her journal. She told me about how it had helped her overcome the loss of her relationship.

Here’s the interesting thing…now, years later, Janie is married to the man of her dreams and they are awaiting the birth of their first child. By using something as simple as journaling her greatest desires in a relationship, Janie subconsciously created a path to marriage and a family.

Decide what you want. Focus only on that. Then go for it.

What is love? What do we understand by loving someone? How is love different than other relationships and emotions? In love, we give our whole mind and heart to our beloved. We try to keep our beloved most comfortable. We take care not to hurt our darling. In love, we care for each other. We are in the mood of giving in love. Giving always gives more pleasure in love than anything else.

If our darling makes a mistake, shall we berate them? Shall we blame them and give them pain? Shall we hold it against them forever? Shall we call them betrayer? If we do all this then it is not love, but a business relationship. I have given you so much now you give your truth, faithfulness and everything else in return.

In love, we have to forgive. We have to pacify our beloved that mistakes are a way of life and everybody does them. We have to tell them not to worry and we are with them. We have to tell them to stop thinking of what happened and think of good things and try to live life joyously. But a majority of us behaves in reverse. That is our failure. It was never love to begin with. If you believe that you love your darling, please learn forgiving.

The author C.D.Mohatta writes articles, advice and ideas at http://www.yourromanceguide.com/ on topics like love, dating, marriage, relationships, break-ups, etc. He also writes for screen-savers and desktop wallpapers at http://www.screene.com/ on topics like nature, spirituality, motivation, love-romance, holidays, animals, etc. The third site, the author writes for, is http://www.ecarduniverse.com/ – it has free ecards on holidays, birthday, love, friendship, family, expressions, celebrations and all events and occasions.

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Law of Attraction and Relationships

By Jeannette Maw

Relationships are the crux of life. Everything we think, say or do occurs in the context of relationship, whether it’s with a love interest, family member, colleague, neighbor, higher power, self, or nature in general. Mastering the art of relationship allows for a life that thrives in all areas.

Many don’t realize their power to create a new or transform an existing relationship using the Law of Attraction. For those not familiar with this law, simply put, it’s a Universal principle dictating that “like attracts like.” Everything in the Universe is made of energy; energy vibrates, and those vibrations attract like vibrations. As you vibrate, you attract.

Accordingly, everything you experience is something you attracted in accordance with your vibration. (Your vibe is composed of your feelings, driven by your thoughts.) In fact, your entire world is a reflection of what you vibrate. In order to change what’s happening on the outside (love life, career, health, enjoyment of the world overall), you change the inside; that is, change your vibe.

Who Are You Attracting?

My 41 year old sister-in-law, whom I love dearly, has a habit of being neglected and hastily dumped by each man she dates. (Fourteen times in a year and a half since her divorce.) Yet she’s an attractive, loving, generous woman! Is she an innocent victim of a daft male population (her theory) or is she attracting relationships in perfect alignment with her vibration (smart money bet)?

You may have seen her routine before: she approaches each new love interest with a subconscious fear and assumption that he won’t like her once he knows her. Even before their first date, she’s braced for rejection. And guess what happens? She feels rejected, over and over again.

She gets what she vibrates.

A girlfriend just started her third job in the two years we’ve known each other. At each company she finds herself on the defensive of an irrational employer who doesn’t respect her. Already in the first three weeks of her new position she’s experiencing the same pattern with her new boss. Coincidence? Not so much.

When he moved in with me, Verrall left a neighborhood where he was good friends with everyone on the block. Within two months he had closer relationships with my neighbors than I did, and they quickly became some of his favorite people. When he later moved into his own place, within a few days he was on a first name basis with a half dozen new neighbors. To this day, former and current neighbors treat him like gold. His consistent “neighbor love” vibe suits him well.

It’s All About You

Your relationships (or lack of them) are a reflection of what you think and feel (i.e. vibrate). Specifically, the people in your life mirror what you’ve got going on internally. Which makes you responsible for what you experience in others. If you have a relationship you’d like to transform, it starts with you – and what you’re vibrating.

Remember that like attracts like, so when we change what we think and feel, the people in our lives must reflect that change. Undoubtedly you’ve seen this phenomenon in effect before: you expect someone to react negatively and they do. You worry someone will be late and they are. You trust someone to deliver, and they do. You doubt they will, and they don’t. People live up to and down to our expectations all day long.

So if your husband doesn’t romance you the way you prefer, a supervisor or co-worker makes your job a living hell, or a family member creates havoc in your life – the solution isn’t figuring out how to get them to change or go away. The solution lies in changing what you vibrate. Until you change what you’re vibrating, you’ll experience the same things with others in your life.

The Power of Changing Your Vibe

What are you feeling when your roommate finishes the last drink or runs a load of hot laundry as you start a shower? Irritated, maybe resentful? In that moment, and every other moment you dwell on it, you’re vibrating irritation and resentment. As you vibrate irritation, you’re attracting more experiences to irritate you. She gets a parking ticket in your car, comes up short on rent payment, invites her boyfriend to stay over. The Universe is amazingly creative in delivering situations to match what you vibrate.

How do you get your roommate to stop irritating you? Remember it’s not about her; this is your vibration attracting your experiences, situations and circumstances. She can’t show up as irritating if you aren’t vibrating it. So release the feeling of “irritated.” You take your attention off what’s irritating, and focus on something that feels better. (Easier said than done, I know.)

As you redirect your attention, you change your vibration. Instead of getting caught up in what you don’t like about what she’s doing, what do you like? What do you want? Hold that in mind. As you think about what you like about her and/or what you want from her, you’re vibrating appreciation and the Universe responds to that by bringing you more things to appreciate.

(There’s another way to release the “irritation” vibe as well. Choose to feel differently. Your feelings are a choice, you know. Most of us don’t exercise that choice, but it is a powerful way to transform a relationship.)

If instead of getting upset when my date arrives late, I redirect thoughts to appreciate that he’s driving, that he’s willing to pick me up even though it’s out of his way. I remember that he’s worth waiting for, and that my clock is probably fast anyway. As I do that, I create a completely different vibration which allows for a completely different date. Maybe he arrives on time in the future, or if not, I’m not as bothered by it.

When you catch yourself with an irritating thought about your roommate, remember what you appreciate. Maybe she’s gifted with a sense of humor that always makes you laugh, supports you by working out together, or makes great coffee.

Once you learn to consistently redirect your attention to what you like, you’ll find your feelings about this person improving significantly. From that place it’s much easier to elicit behavior that suits you by focusing on what you want instead of what bothers you.

Who’s In Charge Here?

Does this mean you can change the way a person behaves toward you simply by changing the way you think about them? Well, see for yourself. Whether it’s their behavior that changes towards you, your response to it, or that they make an exit from your world – when you change what you’re feeling inside, the people around you must to reflect it.

This is why some relationships end when one partner forges ahead on a spiritual path. If someone is way out of your vibrational range, they can’t fit in your world. It’s why James Ray (contributor to “The Secret” movie) carries thousands of dollars in his wallet without fear of being mugged; he’s not a match to mugging. It’s why my ex doesn’t lock his doors; he’s not a match to robbery. It’s why Byron Katie (author of “Loving What is”) hasn’t had a negative thought in years; her vibration doesn’t allow it.

When you change what you vibrate, the Universal Law of Attraction requires that your experiences match the vibration. So moving your internal dial from “irritated” to “pleased” means the world must begin pleasing you. And if your roommate isn’t a match to pleasing you, she’ll become someone else’s roommate.

By releasing feelings of “anger” and replacing them with “peace,” you find yourself in fewer situations that arouse your anger and in more that foster peace. Even people who are naturally anger-arousing will behave inexplicably different with you.

But don’t take my word for it – put it to the test! Try it for yourself and see what happens. Whether it’s with your boss, your toddler or your sweetie, when you change what you’re feeling about them, they’ll show up differently for you.

Manifesting Mr. Right

If you don’t have an existing relationship to transform, but would like to create one from scratch, here’s how to start.

Begin by knowing what you want. Get clear about what type of person you want to attract into your life. Whether it’s a lover, friend, neighbor or – hey, it works for pets too, write down the qualities you want them to possess. What are they like? What makes them tick? What do you love most about them?

Create a clear vision about the type of relationship you want with this person. You can do that by visualizing it, creating a symbolic representation of it (vision boards are popular these days), writing about it, or talking about it as if it already existed. This is Deliberate Creation 101.

Create an even more powerful point of attraction for the relationship you want by following these tips:

1) Activate the vibration today. How will you feel when you have this person in your life? Elated? Content? Fulfilled? Activate that vibration by finding ways to feel that way now. As you do, you align vibrationally with your desired relationship, allowing it to manifest quickly and easily.

2) Be that person you want in your life. You want someone to treat you well? Treat yourself well. You want someone who is considerate, optimistic and understanding? Be that person, to yourself and others. Again, it puts you in alignment with what you want.

3) Love yourself unconditionally. Since everything happening outside of us is a reflection of how we feel inside, it serves us well to create a healthy relationship with our Self. When we love, appreciate and accept ourselves 100%, the world reflects that same unconditional love, appreciation and acceptance back.

So be good to yourself. If there’s something you really don’t think you can love about yourself, change it. As you accept and appreciate yourself fully, the world loves you back – and that’s a nice life to live.

As you recognize your responsibility for the relationships you create in life, you gain control of the reins to create what you want. Remember it’s all an inside job, originating with your thoughts and feelings, which you have the power to choose. Choose well, friends!

Jeannette Maw is an Attraction Coach and founder of Good Vibe Coaching in Salt Lake City, Utah. Free tips and strategies to make your dreams come true are yours by signing up for her bi-monthly “Get What You Want” ezine at http://www.goodvibecoach.com, where you’ll also find insightful free articles on leveraging the Law of Attraction.

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